Monday, March 4, 2013

Days like this

It's days like this when I wonder if homeschooling is really for us.

I spent the weekend, away, with my best friend and her family. Away from my family. I missed them very much but I also cherished the opportunity for time to myself and time to reflect. 

Now that I'm home and it's Monday morning I am feeling a bit unsettled. Sorry for myself even (the city was fun!) but maybe even more sorry for my boys.  While I was away I helped to collect my friend's kids from school. And I guess I saw the 'shiny/good/fun side' of school. You know, the big gaggle of kids mucking around together and having a laugh. Don't even get me started on the resources.

And here we are. 
Just the 3 of us. 

And maybe I can't really remember how we ended up here or, more to the point, WHY.

It also doesn't help that I'm tired and trying to - post detox and then a big weekend - continue to cut out most of my regular go-to crutches: caffeine, sugar, carbs.  Sigh.

These days are HARD.

I know it's true that these days pass. But they are still hard while they're here.

So, why are we on this path? 

Am I okay with what I perceive they might be missing? And what exactly is it? Freedom, autonomy, lots of friends...? I think I am scared that this isn't enough. That I'm not enough.

The reality is that we are homeschooling.

And I know that won't change in the next year. The reality is that I made a huge commitment and that I do have to work out how to get through these feelings. That I did choose this life. That it's true that I'm not enough but that I already knew that. And that I know I would find it hard to walk away from what we have.

It's time for a new plans I guess. A bit of a rethink. 
Do you ever feel this way? x

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Comments :


  1. Mostly...everyday...sometimes...many times in a day... :-)
    But, U know what's wonderful and a HUGE positive...the v fact that U feel this way... which only means U aren't moving ahead cos that's what U r meant to do... like a routine. U r moving ahead... everyday believing in ur decision even more- and the belief is powered by some v strong days...and some days like these...where U go within and question & question even more.... just to be sure...and to believe more strongly... maybe about ur original decision...OR sometimes...about a new course...either ways...the belief is stronger :-)

    In all this turmoil of thing that's certain is the honesty of the fact that U or I...irrespective of whether our kids get home-schooled or go to a school- will never be enough for them :-) But, ur kids have a mom that is real...v who questions... and will in turn let them :-) So, clink on this thought and cheers to a great week...! & who are we to define the 'great'?! XO

  2. Oh Sandhya, Thank you for such a beautiful response.

    *** Who are we to define the 'great' ***

    I love that. x

  3. I think you just want what's best for your children as I do for mine. I yried homeschooking but at that time it wasn't for us. I am now at uni part time training to be a teacher. One of my boys has chronic kidney disease aftwr a trip to Egypt. Long story and all I wanted was for him to be at home fir always where I new where he was what he was doing. But I stretch the apron strings and he gies to school now and loves it. You do what you thinks right.

    1. I'm awfully sorry to hear about your son Emma (eeeek! it scares me a little too - with our travels ahead of us!) and I'm glad to hear that you've been able to work things out and that he is thriving.

      And good on you for going back to Uni! My plan is still to go back and do my Montessori training eventually :)x

  4. I think all homeschoolers have these days:( so when I do I remind myself of the reasons we chose this path and it usually helps me change how I am feeling :)


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