Love In Motion | When Our Kids Get Sick

I first published this post in August last year. 

And a little after that; we realised that Buster didn't just have a virus, that it was a bit more complicated. We were in the lead up to moving out of our house and going overseas, and B ended up in hospital for five days. To say it was a stressful period is an understatement; he was sick for a full month, and he only left hospital and started getting better mere days before we were due to fly. This week I've been reminded of that period because the same issues have risen their head for him; he's not been well enough to return to school and we've been doing the rounds of doctors and x-rays and ultrasounds again. This time, with extra knowledge, he's already feeling a bit better, and I feel confident that he'll be able to go back to school next week. But it's been a challenge!

And my mind was drawn back to this post. 

I looked for it, and I liked the message... the message of gratitude no matter our circumstances. 

So I'm sharing it with you again today.

Midnight and 4am hospital visits? Not on our usual schedule.

And not fun. Obviously. 

But, at the same time, there is nothing like mild sickness to bring great gratitude for the health that your children usually enjoy and that you realise you take for granted. 

Today I feel humbled. And grateful.

Grateful to have two strong boys who usually fly through the house full of energy & bounce off the walls and each other. Strong-wills and strong-emotions and strong-bodies. Who challenge my mind and my heart and my sanity (at times ;) but who have the world at their feet and their good health to take them on the journey. 

And I'm grateful for a public medical system where I can take my children to the emergency department in the middle of the night, see a doctor immediately and know that I won't be receiving a huge bill at the end of the visit. 

I'm grateful for my family and friends who have gone out of the way to be there for us at odd hours and with odd requests and who have extended their love.

I feel grateful for my husband and the life we have created together. The family we have built. 

I am lucky. My boys will be okay. They both have a virus, but it's playing out a bit differently for each of them, so they have conflicting issues but hopefully we're through the worst of it.

Being a mama is amazing.heartbreaking.hilarious.hard.beautiful.exhausting and a million other adjectives that my sleep-deprived brain can't come up with right now. It is ever-changing. It is love in motion. 

To all of the mamas and papas and families who are struggling with their children's { or their own } health right now, in both big and small ways, I send you love, strength and compassion. May we all find a moment to stop and feel gratitude for the small blessings, honour ourselves, and then share our love with those who need it. Amber. XO

181/365 My Firstborn Son.

My sweet boy. My firstborn son. 

Not yet a man-child... but heading that way. You are such a funny animated kid. But when I capture you like this, all brown eyes and earnestness, my heart leans in just a little.

I love you.

You will never stop challenging me I know that much by now! But I also know that that is what parenting is all about - being challenged.

At first the challenge is how to keep the precious little bundle of venerable sweetness you find in your arms warm and fed and happy and alive! And then the challenge morphs and it's all about keeping cups of tea away table-edges and dog water-bowls out of reach. Then it becomes the challenge of choosing an education with your own unique personalities in mind.

And on life moves...

We are always reaching and stretching to accommodate the new challenges that we find in our paths. And the challenges are not just yours my darling boy. They are mine too. And daddy's. And every.single.person's.

They are life's challenges. Because that is what being alive is all about. Reaching. Growing. Changing. 

So, I'm just sitting here with a stream of Winter sunshine burning the back of my neck and saying some quiet words of gratitude to you. You brought me to life. Just as I brought you to life and I am slowly, ever-so-slowly, becoming a better person because of you. Thank you Buster.

--

How have life's challenges changed you for the better? What brought you to life? Please share your stories. Amber. XO

Working on Myself | Lessons of Motherhood

Motherhood is a mirror.

Becoming and being a mother brings a dimension of personal need like no other. A need to face our own faults and flaws. Our deepest fears and our most repressed anger. Our silent hurt. 

It's hard to be responsible for another little person. No matter how much your heart bursts with love for them. We put our own needs behind those of this little person who needs us more than we could ever have imagined before motherhood arrived. They come to us so small and vulnerable. 

And then the day dawns when they are bigger and their bodies flow with energy and their intellect snaps with electricity and ideas. They run wild and free. 

And they don't climb into our beds every single night anymore. Instead, sometimes we climb into theirs to linger on soft nuzzles. And they don't need us to make every choice for them, though we might feel like we still want them to. 

In 1923 Kahlil Gibran wrote: 

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.

More than 90 years later, as my own children grow older I can see the wisdom of Kahlil Gibran more clearly than ever. I have always admired this quote. But now I also see that although I am not their destiny I am implicit in their growth in a way that I maybe didn't understand until now...

That my own being, my own essence (no matter how hidden it is beneath layers and whether I know they are there or not) is creating energy and spinning threads that impact upon my children - and yes, my work, my family, my community - in a deep myriad of ways.

And so, I sit in the knowledge that I must continue to work on myself. In recognition of the subtleties and mirrors at work.

Breathe.

Heal.

Be honest with myself.

Embrace and let fall away.

I strive to be a good person. To be bold and brave, to act on my beliefs and stay strong even when I want to crumble. But still hold onto vulnerability and softness and compassion. To feel life and be life and at the same time to release.

These are big asks. It is a big journey. I hope I am woman enough.
Maybe you're on this journey too...? x

95/365 Homecoming

Saturday we got our beautiful Bossy-dog home! Seven months is too long away for a thirteen year old dog. Feeling so grateful that he is home "a little fatter, without a toe but CANCER-FREE" as my amazing bestie said. Thanks and love forever Claire-bear. xx

p.s. This was the best of the shots I took - we were all a bit too excited to be too worried about photos ;) 

90/365 New Adventures

Today.

Today was the first day of our new adventure. Today my beautiful boys started school. Our family's adventures in homeschooling have been some of the most wonderful years of my life. And the most  exhausting, lol, but I am eternally grateful for these extra years spent in each other's gaze. I am taking comfort in the knowledge that we have so much "home-and-world-learning" (as I'm calling it ;) ahead of us together as a family... there are still many adventures to come! They'll just fit around a more traditional schedule of holidays and school hours. 

The best part? Both boys are excited and happy. I am so proud of them :) We picked them up this afternoon, rushed them out for icecream, and - I never thought I'd be saying this but - I think they look super-cute in their uniforms! #love.

87/365 Om

Om Mani Padme Hum.

This was my late-night-realisation-that-I-hadn't-taken-a-photo save. 11:30pm. I rolled out of bed and picked up my camera with sleepy eyes, surveyed the darkened room for inspiration and quickly knew what it would be... the loveliest thing about being home - apart from being able to see your friends and family of course! - is having your favourite things around you. Travelling is so minimal, so spare, which is definitely one of it's joys but your home tells so many of your stories.

I could tell the stories about these two pieces. But it's almost that time again and my eyes are getting sleepy again and instead I want to share the Dalai Lama's translation of the infamous mantra. My own food for thought as I drift to sleep.

"It is very good to recite the mantra Om mani padme hum, but while you are doing it, you should be thinking on its meaning, for the meaning of the six syllables is great and vast …. The first, OM … symbolizes the practitioner’s impure body, speech, and mind; it also symbolizes the pure exalted body, speech, and mind of a Buddha….
The path is indicated by the next four syllables. MANI, meaning jewel, symbolizes the … altruistic intention to become enlightened, compassionate and loving….
The two syllables, PADME, meaning lotus, symbolize wisdom….
Purity must be achieved by an indivisible unity of method and wisdom, symbolized by the final syllable HUM, which indicates indivisibility….
Thus the six syllables, om mani padme hum, mean that in dependence on the practice of a path which is an indivisible union of method and wisdom, you can transform your impure body, speech, and mind into the pure exalted body, speech, and mind of a Buddha…."

- His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama

x

84/365 Gifted

Awwww, feeling spoilt :)

The lovely Megan from Big Tree Photography sent me an unexpected present! Who doesn't like surprise gifts?!! ❤ Take a sneak-peak at my instagram page if you want to see what it was...