182/365 The Next Nick Kyrgios?

So, that was pretty cool!

Timing in nicely for us - 19 year old Australian Nick Kyrgios just beat world number one Rafael Nadal at Wimbledon this week - and Kingsley Tiger was at Tennis Camp!

And while I'm not sure that KT will ever meet those illustrious heights in his own tennis career I love that little moments like this; moments full of excitement and inspiration, might spark something - something unknown and invisible to us - in their tender hearts. Possibly setting them on their own life's mission.

And my mind leads me to think of Maria Montessori's words:

"The child is an enigma... 
he has the highest potentialities, 
but we do not know what he will be".

The concept being that we must never presume that what our children need is a replica of our own knowledge and experience. That we can not know the child's potential - for it is grander than our minds will ever imagine. 

But...

In reality, I often find myself doing just the opposite. Expecting my boys to do things the way I do them, expecting them to have the same priorities and needs, to listen to me even when I am completely aware that I am flawed in many ways - I may be a perfectionist but there is certainly no perfection to be seen!! Lol.  I feel like I am constantly torn between saving their potential and saving my own sanity! { No playing football in the house / Violin practice tonight no questions / Eat your vegetables / Blah blah blah ;) }. Oh God.

So I take a deep breath and remind myself that everything is going to be okay. Allow yourself to make mistakes and forgive them - and yourself - when things fall short of your own ideals.  Give them love, responsibility and opportunity but try not to stifle them with expectation or demands. Show them respect so that they can learn to respect themselves and others, and give them freedom  - with limits.

I wrote about the positive aspects to the challenges that parenting - and life in general! - throw at us yesterday too { My Firstborn Son } so I guess it's playing on my mind! It's not a surprise really seeing that it's the school holidays is it? Hahaha. We're all getting used to being with each other 24/7 again after our huge shift from home-school to school-life in the past few months.

Tennis camp is over and the wimbeldon-excitement is already fading from conversation. Today was all about handball, M.I. High, exploring the creek, eating lamingtons, playing with friends and highlights from the World Cup. Who knows what will steal their energy and minds tomorrow?!... but yeah, I'm looking forward to it :)

What is exciting and inspiring you and your family today? 

Amber. XO

Working on Myself | Lessons of Motherhood

Motherhood is a mirror.

Becoming and being a mother brings a dimension of personal need like no other. A need to face our own faults and flaws. Our deepest fears and our most repressed anger. Our silent hurt. 

It's hard to be responsible for another little person. No matter how much your heart bursts with love for them. We put our own needs behind those of this little person who needs us more than we could ever have imagined before motherhood arrived. They come to us so small and vulnerable. 

And then the day dawns when they are bigger and their bodies flow with energy and their intellect snaps with electricity and ideas. They run wild and free. 

And they don't climb into our beds every single night anymore. Instead, sometimes we climb into theirs to linger on soft nuzzles. And they don't need us to make every choice for them, though we might feel like we still want them to. 

In 1923 Kahlil Gibran wrote: 

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.

More than 90 years later, as my own children grow older I can see the wisdom of Kahlil Gibran more clearly than ever. I have always admired this quote. But now I also see that although I am not their destiny I am implicit in their growth in a way that I maybe didn't understand until now...

That my own being, my own essence (no matter how hidden it is beneath layers and whether I know they are there or not) is creating energy and spinning threads that impact upon my children - and yes, my work, my family, my community - in a deep myriad of ways.

And so, I sit in the knowledge that I must continue to work on myself. In recognition of the subtleties and mirrors at work.

Breathe.

Heal.

Be honest with myself.

Embrace and let fall away.

I strive to be a good person. To be bold and brave, to act on my beliefs and stay strong even when I want to crumble. But still hold onto vulnerability and softness and compassion. To feel life and be life and at the same time to release.

These are big asks. It is a big journey. I hope I am woman enough.
Maybe you're on this journey too...? x

When things don't go as planned...

I've been MIA.

All my best laid plans - my juice-healing, our travel planning and house pack-up, my camera repairs, my blogging, even school... EVERYTHING - has been on hold because Hug continued to be unwell.

No measure of optimism can sway things sometimes. 

Some things just don't go as we planned.

It's been four weeks since he started feeling bad (primarily it's excruciating stomach pain). After a myriad of doctors appointments and rounds of tests we ended up spending four nights in hospital, finally coming home last night.

I am forever grateful to the people who choose to work as doctors and nurses (and all of the other varied but no less important roles) on a children's ward. It is a hard thing to let someone else take a portion of responsibility for your child's health into their own hands but even more amazing that people are willing to accept that grand responsibility.

And, as hard as this has been for our whole family, I have been completely humbled in this experience by the knowledge that one of closest friends is also nursing a very sick child right now - a little girl who has been far sicker and has a far greater recovery to make than Hug. I am in awe of their strength and the perspective that this has brought me.

So, we are home. And we have 5 days til we fly. 

Oh man.

The house is a disaster-zone (though I have to give thanks to my own mama who came and helped pack up some boxes in the kitchen today!) and I still have a design job to finish (eeeeek) and to be completely honest I'm a bit frazzled... I just burnt the soup I was reheating as I type this. Whoops.

But, what can I say... Hug is starting to feel better! And that's my number one goal. He's not back to his usual robust self yet, he still has some pain and is a bit miserable, but I think he's going to be good. We've had the all clear to fly with him (even yesterday I wasn't sure that was going to be possible) and I'm guessing my wildly optimistic and busy plans for our first two weeks in London may have to be dampened but this is certainly the best-case scenario right now.

A big thanks to everyone who sent love and good wishes on my FB page. Your kindness filled my heart even in the most frustrating moments.

So, here's to acknowledging that the universe is bigger than we are. 
And to brighter days ahead! 

I'll try and post again in the next fews days but otherwise I'll see you in London :) A. x

Kids who...

When your kids use a dysfunctional strategy to meet their needs, notice the deeper need they're trying to fill:

Kids who compete with siblings often need to feel more valued for who they are.

Kids who keep pushing for limits usually need to know the parent is in charge and will keep them safe.

Kids who "don't listen" often don't feel heard.

Kids who are always rebelling usually need to feel more powerful and competent.

Kids who are always cranky usually need more sleep. 

Kids who disrespect you are always showing you they don't feel connected enough to you.

I recently signed up to receive e*newsletters from Aha! Parenting and am appreciating the wisdom-fix. This is a post from their site that I particularly needed to read today. X

Dr Montessori's 10 commandments to parents...

I'm not sure where I originally printed this from but a similar document can be found at Montessori.org

More sharing

Today I want 2 give a shout out 2 The Parental Intelligence Newsletter. The latest issue just arrived into my inbox & I thought I should share in case you haven't stumbled across it yet.  Always full of good reading :)

Silence

I'm linking to another Mama-Om post ... because I couldn't have said it better myself: Begin with Silence.

Me and my pirates

There's been a mutiny! Yesterday was *one of those* days...

Was it... ?

+ Lovely awake at 5.15 am & at 8.30 I still hadn't started any chores or - and this is the kicker *lol * had a cup of tea!! 

+ trying to inspire card making/gift wrapping for their cousins birthday but I lost them to a mess of games while *I* was up to my elbows in wrapping paper & card making supplies. 

+ The music bands / puppet-shows / ice-cream-shops / billy-cart derby's / painting areas & more set-up by them in the lounge-room. 

+ The entire jar of rolled oats that was accidentally spilled on the floor at breakfast.

+ The pouring rain - all day - that I finally gave into which ended up with the creation of a lot of  mud pies with the aftermath spread through the house.

+ Lovely having a nap on my bed & accidentally wetting it. Hmmm...

I was cross & cranky. They were bickering. There were tears - mine. Yurk, what a day. Did I mention that T is away? 

After the crazy morning I took them into town to the posts office  & we went for morning tea at a cafe & things improved for a while until they decided to battle over pencils or something & I said it was time to go home & have our rest times.  While Lovely had a sleep & while Hug played in his room (with every-single-item-in-there I noticed) I lay *under* a blanket in a "cocoon" on the couch. 

Eventually rest-time was over & I decided to just release to the fact that it was a crazy day - that nothing was going to get done & that I had to stop fighting it. 

Hug came out & prepared some lunch while I stayed in my cocoon (!) & I must say that I was rather curious to see what he was up to. It was: A paper plate with a slice of bread lying on a bed of rolled oats (again! you can't imagine how many oats were swept off this floor! At least Lovely has been a willing helper :) with 4 symmetrically positioned corn puffs. Each piece of bread had one wedge of tomato on it held in place by a paper-flag-bamboo-skewer that he had retrieved from the party supplies on the top shelf of the pantry!! Once I got authority to use some butter it was actually pretty yummy & the fact that my boys gobbled up the raw oats from their plates was very endearing :)

Phew! It's tiring even reading back over my own post. Isn't it funny that in the midst of the chaos (not helped in the slightest by the fact that I was a tired mama bear) you can be at your wits end but by bedtime when they're all tucked up it can seem sweet. Madness!

{NB: I didn't have any photo's (thankfully!) as T has the camera so I trawled through iphoto & found this snap from a party a few years back :}

Little Ones in the Big Wide World

Today, I spent the day at Hug's school helping to prepare the children's new classroom. It was a day of hard work & mama's bonding and after what-seemed-like-an-eternity / before-I-knew-it it was time to collect Hug from his classroom & head home. 

The thing that struck me was that in all of the focus I'd thrown into the task at hand I hadn't once thought of where I'd parked the car (or life outside of that room, for that matter) ... so, hand in hand, we headed up to the cars & I had this moment of realisation that this is what *he* must feel every afternoon when I collect him - & more to the point - everyday, in a myriad of ways. Not knowing what or where or how or when. It's a small thing but felt really fundamental today. They're still so little & the world is so big. 

Just food for thought...

{NB: These photos are the wonderful work of our beloved Rainbow-dada. Thanks T :) We love you! }

It stops with me. The Peacemaker

Despite photos to the contrary we struggle with a bit of sibling rivalry around here. I know most families probably do but that doesn't make it any easier! My boys are crazy about each other - they really can't leave each other alone & sometimes that's great, amazing, wonderful & sometimes it's... well, less so ;)

Anyway, with our darling dada T away this week my Mama came over to visit us & saw a little of the afore mentioned strife so she told them the Gandi quote:

"An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind"

She did quite a good job describing what that meant (in a way they might be able to understand) & she spoke of The Peacemaker.  That we want to *BE* Peacemakers. That we can strive for that & if there is a disagreement or someone does something to you that you don't like then instead of retaliating you can actively decide that "It stops with me".

I loved that. It's so simple & really powerful. 

While we have still had a few incidents since I've actually noticed that when I've reiterated that line with something like "It stops with you, Hug" it really has made a difference & diffused the situation. Thanks Grandma!

p.s There are lots of wonderful Peace things at Montessori Services. I want some of the Global Peace Flags!

How do you deal with conflict in the home &/or classroom?

A little bit of this & that

I'm surfing around 'blog-land' a lot at the moment .... there are some great sites out there. Right now I'm reading from Write,Mama,Write, and connected with this quote:

Somewhere a thought trips along: the things you find especially annoying and trying are the things within you too.

Talking about disequilibrium & in a comment, this:

1. Disequilibrium is a sign of new learning (both for you and for them).
2. When they drive you the craziest, that is when they need you the most.

Now, looking at cool ideas for letter recognition, using the sandpaper letters. Which - of course - we don't have, but I'm sure we can improvise!... this one from NAMC and this ones from FreeFall.